"Congressman Fakin, you stated in a public interview your belief that in cases of rape or incest, a woman's body has natural defenses that will keep her from being impregnated."
"How exactly does that work?"
"Yes. A woman has guns, little tiny guns, up inside her hoo-hah. When a rapist's sperm gets inside her, a woman's body can just shoot each sperm with her little tiny bullets."
"I see. But what about women who claim they're pregnant by rape?"
"I'm not saying they deliberately choose to get pregnant. They just choose to not use their hoo-hah guns, because they're a bunch of liberal pussies."
"Yes. You know, the kind that believe in gun regulation, or -- my God, can you believe it? -- not using guns at all. Jesus Christ, if you don't have guns, how are you going to defend yourself against rape sperm? With a coat hanger? You'll never see a decent, God-fearing, American conservative woman bearing a rapist's child."
"How does a woman's body tell the difference between a rapist's sperm and non-rapist sperm?"
"Oh, that's easy. A rapist's sperm is swarthy."
"Yep. You know, deep beige to dark brown, almost black sometimes."
"Thank you for sharing your views, Congressman."
"You're welcome. I'm always glad to share what I learned at church."